is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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