We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
