I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
