it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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