Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
