They should really pass out barf bags in church
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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