the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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