Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
