My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
