Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize