Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
