If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
