i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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