I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
