He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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