so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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