my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
