Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
