you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dicks are not precious.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
