I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
