I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
