My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
