Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
