it was like his penis was on wheels.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
