Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You need a sexual gate keeper
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
