If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
