i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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