bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
