Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
