Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
