i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
