im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The Olympian is in my bed
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
