Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
