i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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