you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
