i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dicks are not precious.
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