i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
