There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
