she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
