i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
