maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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