I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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