no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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