i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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