A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
