My liver just broke up with me...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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