Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
