i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
