I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
