Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
