I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
