Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
