He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
