She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
