Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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