your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
