We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize