WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
