So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
