I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
