My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dignity is for republicans.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
