i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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