We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
