A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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