Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
