I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize